Out take of scene from MEC 7b

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by Ranger52899 on Tue Aug 08, 2017 1:53 pm

Just for general interest.
We spent a while working on this section, weren't happy with it and flipped it so it was from Dale's POV instead which worked much better for what we wanted.
R&R



Paul breathed out, grabbed Dale and for a moment he, Flynn and Dale were tightly pressed together in the yard. Dale was shaking a little. Paul caught his head and made Dale look at him. He knew the second he saw Dale’s face, he’d learned how to spot the tells. His eyes – his pupils were normal sized, they met his honestly and very apologetically, and Dale’s face was alive with concern, not shut down. Not frozen. Flynn had a palm over his shoulder blades, the discreet way he often felt for Dale’s heart rate when he was in a state about something, but Paul could already see it. He wasn’t triggered. He wasn’t in a state of panic. He looked contrite and very, very embarrassed and that was all.

“I’m so sorry,” he said sincerely and very apologetically and for a moment to Paul he sounded like a small boy caught beside a broken window with a catapult in his hand, “I did not mean that to happen, it really, really was not another insane attempt to run anywhere, I’m fine.”

“What were you thinking?” Paul ran a hand through his hair, “What on earth were you doing? It’s ok, no one’s angry, no one’s upset, just tell me.”

“I have no idea.” Dale said very frankly. He was doing nothing to move out of either of their arms and that said a whole lot to Paul too. “I was in the bathroom, I wasn’t thinking about anything in particular, I was mostly listening to Ri-”

“Was that getting to you?” Flynn interrupted him quietly. Dale shook his head.

“No. Honestly, it wasn’t. I knew he was worried about Hope, I was glad he was showing you. Then suddenly my legs were aching, I was several inches taller and I really wanted to smash the mirror, and I felt like I wanted to get somewhere… quiet, as if everything was deafening.” He hesitated for a moment and Paul saw him weigh up what he wanted to say as if he wasn’t sure he should say it, then he said softly, “…I think it was probably Tom. Like Gerry’s pain that night kept waking me up.”

Flynn nodded slowly. “Yes, I remember.”

“Then Paul called up to me, and I realised was on the roof. I have no idea how.”

“Do your legs hurt now?”

“No. Up on the roof once I knew it wasn’t me, I recognised what was happening. I could feel it, but at a distance. Removed.” Dale looked both frustrated and hugely discomfited. “Which is someone else and not me. I am sure of it. Like feeling ‘taller’. Not my sensations, not my feelings, this is what happens with a what…occasionally with someone else in the house if they’re feeling something strongly and I’m open.”

“What about what Jasper taught you about shielding and grounding?” Flynn said, still very quietly. Dale gave him a chagrined look.

“I haven’t thought about it today. I usually do it first thing in the morning, or try to, but we had a sudden start to today and I didn’t think about it. I should be grounded, I’ve spent plenty of the day on grass and riding, but probably not shielded.”

“Take a seat and do it.” Flynn pointed him towards the porch steps and sat down beside him. “Take your time.”  

Leaving the two of them sitting on the steps together, Paul slipped across the yard and opened the stable door, just far enough to see Jasper sitting with his back against the bales of hay Riley was laying on, curled up under a stable blanket. They’d been talking quietly over the foal and the drowsing mare on the straw, but they broke off and looked up. Paul pulled it together enough to smile at Riley, keeping his voice even because scaring the hell out of Riley was the last thing any of them needed.

“Could you two use some hot chocolate if you’re going to be out here all night? I’ll go make it. Jas, can I borrow you a minute?”

Jasper rolled to his feet and came to the door.

“Cookies.” Riley called after him. “Bring the tin.”

Honey, if it’s going to keep you calm and together tonight while we get through this you can eat the lot.

Paul led the way out into the yard, closing the door to the stable to keep the warmth in and crisis out. Jasper saw Dale on the steps the minute he left the stable. He crossed the yard unhurriedly, Paul saw him look down into Flynn’s face, something passing between them, then he crouched in front of Dale, resting both hands on Dale’s knees.

“Ok?”

“Trying to shield.” Dale had his hands steepled in front of his face and lowered them, looking increasingly frustrated. “And making a fool of myself.”

“Stop.” Jasper took his hands. “Do it with me. You use the breastplate prayer, say it out loud.”

“The entire thing goes on for hours and it’s in several languages with several varying translations,” Dale began. Paul cut him off, quite sharply.

“No, don’t you dare start that, it’s us and you know none of us think you’re nuts. Do the relevant bit you want however you want before I go and get a hairbrush.”

Dale’s mouth twisted in the sardonic way that meant he was somewhere between pointing out the Geneva convention and laughing, but he sighed and ducked his head, closing his eyes to concentrate. He was still holding onto Jasper’s hands. Paul heard him reciting quietly,

Christ before me, Christ behind me,

Christ above me, Christ below me

Christ to the left of me, Christ to the right of me…”

There was something murmured at the end that was too quiet to catch.

“Colour.” Jasper said quietly to him when he finished.

“… Green.” Dale said heavily after a moment.

“Good. Now think of white light filling and surrounding that shield. White light overlaying the green. Have it blast out any energies that are not yours. Nothing coming in tonight.”

Dale made a faint sound of exasperation. “I can’t concentrate enough.”

“You don’t need to. Just say it to yourself and that’s enough.”

“Tom is with Jake,” Flynn said to Dale. “Jake has him, there is no reason for you to hold onto that connection or worry about him tonight, so let it go.”

Dale gave another sharp, frustrated release of breath and steepled his hands again in front of his face. Jasper waited a moment, hands resting on Dale’s knees, then tapped firmly.

“Good. Leave it now, it’s done.”

“It doesn’t feel done.”

“You don’t trust that you got it right.” Jasper got up, holding out a hand to pull him to his feet. “I do. Go put the kettle on, tea for five. We could use it.”

“You have two minutes. Leave the door open and do not leave the kitchen under any circumstances.” Flynn added shortly.

“Yes sir.”

It took everything Paul had to stand still and let him walk out of sight. But Jasper was right. He often sent Dale to do very ordinary chores after something involving energy, it was something he taught Dale to do. Paul wondered how often Jasper did that himself, rooting himself in their home and physically caring for it.

“He was on the roof.” Flynn said quietly to Jasper. “Jake said Tom was longing to, it sounds like he was wanting an escape tonight and Dale picked up on it. He found himself on the roof.”

“With us freaking out slightly.” Paul leaned against the porch rail and breathed out, near to laughing. “That was one I did not see coming.”

“We’ve been braced and waiting for him to blow because of Rupert Gordon.” Jasper said mildly.

“That’s generous. I’ve been braced, you’ve been far more sensible.” Paul retorted. Jasper shook his head.

“Jar of marmalade. He told us how he feels. I’m going to go have a word with him about shielding.”

“I’m coming with you.” Flynn said bluntly.
avatar
Ranger52899
Womble in Charge
Administrator


Posts : 1877
Join date : 2013-08-29

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by Dells on Tue Aug 08, 2017 2:30 pm

Oooooo! Very Happy  See, this qualifies as overfeeding the addiction, in the sense of it being an absolute treat to be able to read a first draft in addition to reading the chapter today. Love it!!! *gobbles it up* 

Please never cease to feed and overfeed the addiction. Very Happy
avatar
Dells
Polar Bear Wrangler

Posts : 205
Join date : 2014-04-13
Age : 21
Location : Illinois, USA

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by Mlle.Lilly on Tue Aug 08, 2017 4:22 pm

Yeeeeeeeees! I really love to have someone else's point of view on the same scene!

And in that scene, which is complicated, it gives more depth... thank you!
avatar
Mlle.Lilly
Sheepdog

Posts : 92
Join date : 2015-07-01
Age : 35
Location : France

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by JL on Tue Aug 08, 2017 4:24 pm

I think it gives a lot of depth too.  I'm also one of those people who likes reading different POVs for the same scenes.
JL-
avatar
JL
Honorary Ranch Family Member

Posts : 1226
Join date : 2013-08-30

https://storiesbyjl.blogspot.com/

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by Blue Stocking on Tue Aug 08, 2017 5:34 pm

Yay!  Love this.  It adds a lot to the scene for me.  Poor Paul!

Thanks for sharing.
avatar
Blue Stocking
Three Trader's Miner

Posts : 337
Join date : 2013-08-31
Location : East Coast-USA

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by Chris Dangerfield on Tue Aug 08, 2017 8:37 pm

Okay, I found this as fascinating in its own way as the published chapter. "I think" I understand why you made the choice of direction you did. I think. However, it couldn't have been easy,

R&R, thanks for the generosity of letting us see your process behind the curtain. Now I have both chapters to reread.

All best,
ChrisD


Last edited by Chris Dangerfield on Tue Aug 08, 2017 10:35 pm; edited 1 time in total
avatar
Chris Dangerfield
Yak Whomper
Moderator


Posts : 2753
Join date : 2013-08-30
Location : USA - West Coast

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by mc on Tue Aug 08, 2017 10:20 pm

This is such a treat. As if the half chapter wasn't fantastic and satisfying enough (which it is, it absolutely is), but reading this is both delightful and a look into your writing process, and I find that so wonderful.

Thanks so much. You guys are so ridiculously talented.

mc
Honorary Ranch Family Member

Posts : 1191
Join date : 2013-09-01

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by Trisha Louise on Tue Aug 08, 2017 10:44 pm

Hey, the bonus features! Thank you!

Do you often find yourselves flipping points of view as you write? Any instances in the books as we recieve them where you now feel they ought have come from a different perspective?


avatar
Trisha Louise
Yak Whomper
Moderator


Posts : 2437
Join date : 2013-08-30
Location : South East Australia

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by Ranger52899 on Wed Aug 09, 2017 8:20 am

We sometimes do this and play a scene from multiple directions before we find the right one (we didn't always save the original version until we were asked to set up the rag bag and keep them!)

We do have on the back burner an 'also on the corner of 5th' story which would be the same story from Dale's POV.
avatar
Ranger52899
Womble in Charge
Administrator


Posts : 1877
Join date : 2013-08-29

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by Trisha Louise on Wed Aug 09, 2017 8:44 am

That must be one of the great joys and advantages of having a co-writer, being able to play reactions off each other? Also one of the challenges, I imagine, maintaining a consistent voice. Is there any character who is particularly difficult to get into their point of view or one you've yet to explore that you're both interested in taking on?

'Echo' must have been an interesting exercise in that regard.
avatar
Trisha Louise
Yak Whomper
Moderator


Posts : 2437
Join date : 2013-08-30
Location : South East Australia

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by Mlle.Lilly on Wed Aug 09, 2017 11:06 am

@Ranger52899 wrote:
We do have on the back burner an 'also on the corner of 5th' story which would be the same story from Dale's POV.

Ooooooooh pretty please? *bat eyelashes*
avatar
Mlle.Lilly
Sheepdog

Posts : 92
Join date : 2015-07-01
Age : 35
Location : France

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by DeeDee on Wed Aug 09, 2017 3:56 pm

I've been waiting to read this and OH how I wished I'd read this first before commenting.  Clearly Dale isn't triggered and distant unless he's found a way to hide it.  So one 'wild guess' down and wrong.  Ho hum.

And this made me smile:  “Cookies.” Riley called after him. “Bring the tin.”

Honey, if it’s going to keep you calm and together tonight while we get through this you can eat the lot.

Thanks for sharing this, it's always fun to watch the process and have you share why it changed.  

Dee
avatar
DeeDee
Yak Whomper
Moderator


Posts : 2493
Join date : 2013-08-30
Location : Texas Gulf Coast

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by jkfan on Wed Aug 09, 2017 9:04 pm

I'll add my voice to all those clamoring for the outtakes.  I enjoy them thoroughly.
avatar
jkfan
Honorary Ranch Family Member

Posts : 1927
Join date : 2015-08-10
Age : 68
Location : Portland, ME

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by Hayjude on Wed Aug 09, 2017 11:04 pm

I find it interesting in this outtake that Riley is left undisturbed in the barn while the 3 tops are with Dale. In the actual chapter Riley was in the thick of it, too - which is where he prefers to be, thank you.
avatar
Hayjude
Bunkhouse & Hot Springs Guest

Posts : 786
Join date : 2016-04-03
Age : 54
Location : South West Australia

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by loyalpainter88 on Thu Aug 10, 2017 1:29 pm

Wow ... I just realised that you guys posted here after a comment from trisha on the actual chapter ...it is intresting that you first started it from pauls pov..like during ruperts visit .... And that jasper was the one here "having a word with him about sheilding " and riley in the barn with hope ..... can I say that I love that you went for dales pov ...it had the impact that he was not "bolting / running go the hills " ...and him realising that was cause he hadn't shielded himself well cause he was still a bit disconnected ...and his talk with riley and the understanding that followed it was necessary ... When such discussions come I feel that all of them need to be a part of it ..in the same way they were part of it in the beginning of silver bullet when dale looses it in the attic eventhough riley did not like dale going through such a tough situation he wanted to be a part of it cause ....they were married to each other ....

I know sometimes tops don't let the brat worry ... But in this case I think it was necessary for riley to be a part of this discussion too ...coz if at any time they were alone , and such a incident were to occur ...he should know the difference between dale being freaked out and him acting on whatever emotion or what he can feel and emulate and how to difuse such a situation like Paul did .... As dale is his brat too and vice versa ...

And the whole jasper vs Flynn on spanking him ... Somehow it feels right when Flynn did it as in the chapter ... Here when jasper said "Jar of marmalade. He told us how he feels. I’m going to go have a word with him about shielding.”...somehow it just dint connect for me ...it didn't feel like jasper somehow ...

Also if you had gone with this chapter I would have throughly missed some witty humor ... Pauls and jake s ... And one liners from Flynn which get your attention

It is interesting though that you have such these different ideas but ultimately give us the right feel of the charecters ... It shows us how much hard work is put into these chapters ... And I am so greatful that you share this beautiful story with us ... Thank you


Last edited by loyalpainter88 on Fri Aug 11, 2017 4:19 am; edited 1 time in total
avatar
loyalpainter88
Foal

Posts : 23
Join date : 2015-04-11

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by DeeDee on Thu Aug 10, 2017 4:52 pm

@Trisha Louise wrote:Is there any character who is particularly difficult to get into their point of view or one you've yet to explore that you're both interested in taking on?

Oh, good question!  

I have to admit that SBE from Jake was probably my favorite.

Dee
avatar
DeeDee
Yak Whomper
Moderator


Posts : 2493
Join date : 2013-08-30
Location : Texas Gulf Coast

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by Hayjude on Thu Aug 10, 2017 11:26 pm

Yeah, that was a part I really liked, as well. It was good to see what he was really thinking, as all too often he projects the "laid-back brick wall" persona....mostly for Tom's sake, I guess.
avatar
Hayjude
Bunkhouse & Hot Springs Guest

Posts : 786
Join date : 2016-04-03
Age : 54
Location : South West Australia

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by jkfan on Fri Aug 11, 2017 11:13 am

@loyalpainter88 wrote:
It is interesting though that you have such these different ideas but ultimately give us the right feel of the charecters ... It shows us how much hard work is put into these chapters ... And I am so greatful that you share this beautiful story with us ... Thank you
You made a good point, loyal.  I thought of that myself as I read this - how much hard work and thought goes into each chapter.  We're all really quite lucky to have both the stories and the authors who care so much about what they write for us.
avatar
jkfan
Honorary Ranch Family Member

Posts : 1927
Join date : 2015-08-10
Age : 68
Location : Portland, ME

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by trinityreader on Sun Aug 13, 2017 1:22 pm

Another good point on Jasper loyal.  I loved in the final version how he just appears and Dale feels his calm.  That seems more like Jasper to me.

A few years ago I was in very bad pain for months, pretty much bedridden for a month and a half before having disc surgery that stopped the horrific nerve pain I was having. I got through it by trying to use energy work to ground the pain.  My younger brother helped me with it, for some reason we amplify each other. I've often thought if I were on the ranch in that state it is Jasper I would call for to help me. He has such a healing way about him.
avatar
trinityreader
Sheepdog

Posts : 68
Join date : 2014-03-27
Age : 47
Location : Massachusetts

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by loyalpainter88 on Tue Aug 15, 2017 9:24 am

@trinityreader wrote:Another good point on Jasper loyal.  I loved in the final version how he just appears and Dale feels his calm.  That seems more like Jasper to me.

That what I was thinking ...jasper I feel is like an anchor .. ... Just knowing he is there makes you feel calm and secure
avatar
loyalpainter88
Foal

Posts : 23
Join date : 2015-04-11

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by reprehn on Thu Aug 17, 2017 6:17 pm

I also loved this version -- thank you for sharing!
avatar
reprehn
Coyote

Posts : 49
Join date : 2013-09-02
Location : Colorado

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by Tarabeth on Tue Sep 05, 2017 4:06 am

@Ranger52899 wrote:

We do have on the back burner an 'also on the corner of 5th' story which would be the same story from Dale's POV.

Oh that would be wonderful!!!!! On the Corner of 5th might be my favorite short story.  I love it in Luath's POV, but it would be very fun to read in Dale's POV.  

Thank you so much for sharing these bits and pieces of your masterpieces with us -- they are sheer joy!
avatar
Tarabeth
Polar Bear Wrangler

Posts : 229
Join date : 2015-08-31
Age : 47
Location : California

http://tarabeth1012.blogspot.com

Back to top Go down

Re: Out take of scene from MEC 7b

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum